This picture is a visual metaphor for how my OCD makes me feel in lockdown. I feel torn between decisions and the arm with question marks represents my OCD “tearing” me up. I’m torn between my contamination OCD intrusive thoughts (which have been heightened since lockdown) which are preventing me from going outside to exercise once a day, i.e. because I fear making my family ill, infecting others or causing harm. The compulsions that accompany this include ruminating about the route I took on a walk, repeatedly checking in my head that I definitely did leave enough distance between people, and reassurance seeking from my family. However, I’m also aware that staying inside also makes my OCD bad and is unhealthy, so I’m torn between staying inside and going outside for exercise, which is what this picture symbolises.
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and this painting communicates that on the outside I may appear “fine” but on the inside I am controlled by intrusive thoughts and a need to carry out compulsions. These compulsions are often time consuming, hence the clock. I’ve also included various aspects of my OCD such as fear of contamination (the germ), handwashing (the running water), the need to check both mentally and physically (the ticked box), and numbers.