I have a shielding letter because of my condition and I feel constrained like a criminal with hands cuffed behind my back. My face and upper body is sore from medication I’m on. I can only climb a concrete block, rather than green hill when I want to be enjoying the outdoors as permitted for some. The lock above me has no key.
This picture is a visual metaphor for how my OCD makes me feel in lockdown. I feel torn between decisions and the arm with question marks represents my OCD “tearing” me up. I’m torn between my contamination OCD intrusive thoughts (which have been heightened since lockdown) which are preventing me from going outside to exercise once a day, i.e. because I fear making my family ill, infecting others or causing harm. The compulsions that accompany this include ruminating about the route I took on a walk, repeatedly checking in my head that I definitely did leave enough distance between people, and reassurance seeking from my family. However, I’m also aware that staying inside also makes my OCD bad and is unhealthy, so I’m torn between staying inside and going outside for exercise, which is what this picture symbolises.